fredag 30 augusti 2013

yesterday I had a sort of melt down,or like swedish people say I hit the wall. I have been trying to conceal my feelings lately and avoiding my true feelings. As we all know the truth sooner or later has a way to get out. It's quite hard to write how I feel. The main reasons are my down swing in poker and my lack of relationship with my boyfriend. Trying to balance the two and then be happy did not work. On the surface these two reasons don't seem linked at all.But as every poker player know,are you feeling bad then your poker usually goes bad. Although I been having a downswing before my bf left,but that was because of other things going bad in my life.The thing is that I let my emotions rule and get the worst out of me. As much as I believe in positive thinking and the power of that,I believe that you have to get to the bottom with your problems first. Having a distance relationship demands a person emotional stable and constantly fighting for the good of it. I'm not stable and I'm done caring this one way fight. In all my years being in relationships I learned that you have to give and take an equal amount and always follow your gut feeling. The latest days I made a decision,Im going to leave Holland for some time and everything connected to my bad feelings. I inactivated my facebook,I packed my bag and I took my runningshoes and diary with me. On monday I will go to Sweden and try to sort out this mess in my head and be surrounded by people who loves me. That is something I learned throughout my years,always surround yourself with people who loves you.So I'm going to turn the page here and leave,for now it's not getting any better.

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