lördag 31 augusti 2013

since my poker been going quite bad the latest months I been thinking of different solutions,one of them including getting a job to get my economy back. During my earlier years as a non poker player I tried many different jobs.For me it's always been a standard approach to lie about my experience to get to where I wanted,often I been lucky,sometimes not.
One of my biggest fall-backs was when I just moved to Uruguay,like 5 years ago. I was in desperate need of a job and was living with my friend at a hostel.The owner had promised me to keep an extra eye open if he knew anyone who could need some extra staff. One day he told me he had gotten me an interview at a local renter of up-scale motorcycles. I agreed for the inteview that was only 5 streets away. Due to some partying and intace of alcohol the night before I decided to rest in the hammock the hour before the meeting. Suddenly I heard a scream an the owner yelled that I'm 5 mintes late.I managed to fall asleep in the damn hammock and when I was going to put my shoes on they where gone. The owner hushed me away while I tried to explain that I did not have any shoes. I had no choice but to run barefoot to the interview. The place was neat and clean and the woman in the front desk eyed me long before she told me that if I'm looking for a shoe-shop it's on the otherside of the street. I put my best smile on and told her that there is no need for that,I'm here for the interview. Suddenly a huge guy appeared in the door and asked if I was Paulina.(noone ever learned to say Eufemia during my 5 years in southamerica)-ehm yes,I said. He told me about the business and how proud he was to be able to rent bigger and nice motorcycles for the costumers.They needed a multi lingual girl with a big interest for motorcycles.I assured him that I spoke all the languishes needed and that my passion for motorcycles was enormous. Noon of it was true,but I really needed this job. The woman in the front desk smiled an evil smile and told the guy to show me the bikes. I followed him to the garage and he pulled out a huge monster bike. He looked at me like a child and said-I see you are overwhelmed,it's a beauty no?The bike was bigger than me and I was frighten as hell cause I told him I used to ride bikes all day long back in sweden.

my knees looked something like this after
The evil woman came up and told him to let me try a ride. Obviously she wanted to kill me. I looked at them with fear and said polite no no it's too much. Actually that's a great idea the guy countered and gave me a push towards the monster. As I jumped on the bike I prayed a small pray that I would survive this.After some pretending to admiring the bike (when I really was trying to figure out how to turn it on)it suddenly started with a bam. Fullgas and with a big scream the bike took a huge jump and I lost total control of the handles. As I landed 2 meeter ahead I heard the man screaming and the woman laughing. Straight down on the ground with the bike over me I landed with my eyes closed,hoping noone saw me. When I opened my eyes the man stood over me looking concerned and disappointed. They lifted the bike from me and helped my up on my feet. Noon of us said anything and I was too embarrassed to even look at them.-ehm I call you the guy said and gave my head a pat. We knew it wasn't true because I didn't even have a number. Needless to say I never ever pretended I could ride a motorcycle after that experience:)

fredag 30 augusti 2013

Just gonna morna mig a little

Woke up a while ago and just finished the routinely morning cuddling with bf, who is looking extra fierce today in his fleece jumper, ck undies, no pants- look. After the cuddling its always time for me to "morna mig"  which is a Swedish term for laying in bed (you can only morna dig in bed) stretching a little, while checking the phone/computer etc. I might take this it to the extreme since I can morna mig for almost an hour. Anyway, I enjoy every minute of it :) Scrolling through instagram I saw a photo of our future home. Man I'll be having some nice mornings here, sipping cappuccinos in my silk robe followed by some swift pirouettes to the pool where I'll graciously jump in for my morning swim. 
yesterday I had a sort of melt down,or like swedish people say I hit the wall. I have been trying to conceal my feelings lately and avoiding my true feelings. As we all know the truth sooner or later has a way to get out. It's quite hard to write how I feel. The main reasons are my down swing in poker and my lack of relationship with my boyfriend. Trying to balance the two and then be happy did not work. On the surface these two reasons don't seem linked at all.But as every poker player know,are you feeling bad then your poker usually goes bad. Although I been having a downswing before my bf left,but that was because of other things going bad in my life.The thing is that I let my emotions rule and get the worst out of me. As much as I believe in positive thinking and the power of that,I believe that you have to get to the bottom with your problems first. Having a distance relationship demands a person emotional stable and constantly fighting for the good of it. I'm not stable and I'm done caring this one way fight. In all my years being in relationships I learned that you have to give and take an equal amount and always follow your gut feeling. The latest days I made a decision,Im going to leave Holland for some time and everything connected to my bad feelings. I inactivated my facebook,I packed my bag and I took my runningshoes and diary with me. On monday I will go to Sweden and try to sort out this mess in my head and be surrounded by people who loves me. That is something I learned throughout my years,always surround yourself with people who loves you.So I'm going to turn the page here and leave,for now it's not getting any better.

torsdag 29 augusti 2013

Computer issues and Australia

Soo what's been happening.. First off I finished a "summer goal" with a certain amount of games which meant some celebrating and time off. When I was ready to start working again I found that my computer stopped charging and is now completely dead. Bad bad news.. We are going for vacation to Australia in two weeks and I had a perfect work plan in preparation for the trip, trying to squeeze in as many tournament as I could before the trip. We'll be gone for a month or more and there probably won't be much poker going on there at all (except for studying of course).
Now my hope is that I can find someone who'll fix it for a decent price (these things cost a fortune in Rio) or wait until Australia and get it done there for half the price or less. Ah well..  my dear boyfriend got me substitute computer, it's smaller so I can't play as many tourneys at once as before but it's ok for now. I am so lucky to have found this man. No matter how upset, frustrated, annoying I am he always stays positive, calms me down and figures out a way to help me. Even if he's super busy and has to go to work he stays home the whole morning to help me with my issues or don't leave at all if I'm in really bad shape (i.e. pms on top of poker issues). He always knows how to cheer me up as well, this morning I felt like having slow cooked ribs so he took me to a Scandinavian restaurant with probably the best ribs in town and he also got us a table for the Swedish Consulates crayfish dinner on Saturday. Man I love this guy!
something tells me I might have an addiction...but at least it's one of the healthier ones. I started to drink tea when my dad meet his wife when I was 15 years old. She always drank a crazy amount of tea and since I was too young to like coffee I started to copy her. Now being a poker player,sitting hours infront of a computer it's like an obsession to have the cup.It's calming and it's good and it keeps me from small eating.My favo right now is a black tea called blueberry muffins,taste delicious.You can see it hidden behind the other on the pic;)

onsdag 28 augusti 2013

the song,the lyrics,this girl,LOVE.
My mum left today.It's so empty without her,we had some amazing days. I will start over with my main focus on poker again,a break was well needed. Been out all day,the weather was amazing!Right now I'm watching a danish movie with a cup of tea,there is something about nordic movies that I just love.It's more real than the usual fake hollywood style,something fragile about it. People are not perfect,like we all like to believe,we are just humans.

måndag 26 augusti 2013

my inner journey

I believe Nothing happens by mistake. The thoughts you think do create your reality. Everything that happens in your life you have in one way or another attracted to be there. I believe that the mind is not the brain and we all are surrounded by energy in different levels.Our thoughts are our magnets,whether it's good or bad ones. Our life and the things that happens,we are the masters of our own reality.You have the power to change,your thoughts,your outcome and your destiny. I think that unhappy people are unhappy because they choose that path. I know it sounds harsh and maybe people don't agree with me. I can only speak from my own experiences. I'm not happy all the time,and many things in my life I wish would be different. I realized that I am the only one who can change, and most important I can't change anyone else. The biggest problem I had to deal with in life is that I get disappointed at other persons.Persons with other beliefs and other aspects of life. People I can't change.In order to forgive I had to be able to understand them.And to be able to understand a person you need to be very strong and smart emotionally.It's something that many people choose not to be,people are very selfish and egoistic. I believe that what you give you eventually get back and your kindness or ability to understand another human being is the most valuable you have. We live in a world where people put more value in material things than in eachother. For me the best things in life is for free,the second best is very expensive.
If you surround yourself with negativeness you will always attract these things.Instead of meeting a person with disbelief and jealousy,embrace that person and try to learn something from them. Allow youself to dream and always expect the best from each new possibility.It's easy to write but difficult to practise.I allowed myself the latest weeks to believe that I was not good enough.Eventually I became not good enough,my mind is powerful.Eventually you realize the downward spiral you are stuck in,only when you change your mind,then you can change you future.
So this was a bit of my thoughts I been dealing with lately  I been developing so much the latest weeks and learnt so much about myself and the possibility that lies within me. I am the master of my own destiny and thank good for that:)
I'm about to hit the shower and dress up nice,me and my mum are going to a nice restaurant in an hour. Today we explored more of this charming city,laying in the park and listening to mindfulness and enjoying some sun.
My mum loves museums and can spend hours in one,I'm not that big of a fan.But these days we visited 2 museums and had coffee in nice cafe's and ate deli dinners and drank wine.Tomorrow is her last night and of course it feels bad to be alone again.When it comes down to it,I really miss my loved ones,my wonderful family.To bad we are so outspread now,it's not like you can stop by for a coffee every now and then.So now I will spend this quality time and make the best out of it.so not much poker happening,it's good having a break every now and then.I think I really needed it.here are some pics from today

söndag 25 augusti 2013

Me and my glasses:)I don't like to wear them,they feel awkward and uncomfortable.But I guess there is something very beautiful in being yourself. No fake,no trying, just being you with or without glasses.People try to be someone they are not in this life.They have expectations and all this materials they really can't keep up with. When I can be totally relaxed with someone,then it's for real.When I see a person totally relaxed unapologetically themselves with me,then my heart melts.When all is said and done I guess it comes down to one thing,then it's reality.If you can't be yourself with someone then it's not for real.Trust your gut feeling and be careful with your well being.You are the one who is going to live with yourself for a long time,make that person real.Good night.

fredag 23 augusti 2013

My mami arrived this evening,she will be staying some days with me.It's great to have her here and we are so close to each other. Before she arrived a had a glass of wine with my friend in the city centre. After my mums arrival we just been eating and drinking wine and catching up.I love her so much and I'm so happy to have her here. Now she went to bed and since I'm a poker girl I wont be tired until later:)this is me with my usual cup of tea right now.have a nice eve peeps
market in Argentina
The most expensive country to buy groceries that I lived in was Brazil. The first month before I explored the farmers market I would spend like 40-50 euro each time I went shopping for 2-3 days.Being one person that would be around 400-600 monthly.In Sweden the prices might be an inch cheaper but the quality better and the variety bigger.Living in Us was quite good for the wallet,but you really got what you paid for. Thinking of all the shit,GMO's and antibiotics they put in their food you need to buy food from a safe source,which eventually is expensive. In Argentina and Uruguay you could buy great meat,but the dairy products is bad quality or imported and super expensive.Since my main priority is food,I tend to buy the best quality and make the most out of it. I rather spend money on a fancy dinner than having a new dress..I'm not a fashionista. Not just because I live here or that my bf is Dutch but Holland beats every place I ever lived in when it comes to groceries. I go to the market every friday and by seasonal veggies,berries and fruits. The supermarket is of good quality and cheap.The farm 15 minutes from here is eco friendly and have raw milk (the only place in Eindhoven).
at the market in rio

torsdag 22 augusti 2013

How to be happy.

Collect moments,not things.
Believe in you uniqueness and power
Have a clean conscience, be good,do good
Learn something from everything good v.s bad
Have a understanding for everything
But most important of everything,love yourself 

a little bit of this

I don't think I been handling badbeats so good lately...screaming,comfort eating...that's what I'm good at this very special time of the month.Wish guys could have period too,that would be interesting.

onsdag 21 augusti 2013

time fore some cashing..this week I need to double up what's on my account this week, otherwise I will have to punish myself with waking up 1 hour earlier each morning to study:)having some sexy time with money in my bed is never wrong;)

tisdag 20 augusti 2013

brunch with Amy

my brunch,tomato ratatouille with sausage and eggplant, a huge cup of green tea!!
I woke up late today,been having bad ache in my stomach , taking it easy in bed listening to Amy winehouse and writing in my dairy. Can be good to not do nothing some days.This song is beautiful,think this is one of the few times she does it better live than recorded.Rest in peace Amy.

Winter in Rio

I had no idea the winter here would be so nice, the weather is exactly the way I like it. The day is like a Swedish summer (a good Swedish summer), around 24 degrees and then in the evening it gets so cold you need warm jumpers and socks, which used to be one of the things I missed when living here. So in the mornings I go to the beach, take a refreshing swim and get some sun and then in the chilly evenings I light candles, wear comfy clothes and drink tea, perfect! 

måndag 19 augusti 2013

I'm in need of some qoutes in my life right now.I have to many disappointments surrounding me.MY life right now should be filled of happiness and no worries.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it. ~ Swedish Proverb

söndag 18 augusti 2013

Hello again

It's sure been a while.. as Femi I have been in a major poker bubble, first in Holland and now here in Rio. It was soo nice to spend time with Femi, have our typical girl talks,coffee breaks and enjoy our unique sense of humor- I've missed these things so much. Eindhoven is a nice city, I especially love that they live near an organic farm so you're able to eat really well and the supermarket food is of good quality as well and another thing I like is that the people are very friendly and outgoing, Holland is like a mix between Sweden and a Latino country, having the best of both. Before going to Europe I wasn't quite sure how to divide my time between Sweden and Holland but now i'm happy with my decision to stay most of the time in Holland. Some sister time did me good, and I feel very content and happy right now. It was difficult to be away from Ian that long though, and i'm not sure ill be able to do it again haha. Seeing each other again was so nice and we've been acting like love-drunk teenagers this week, ah I'm so grateful for having such an amazing relationship, didn't know prior to being a girlfriend it could be this good.

Alright that was a quick update, hopefully I can get my act together and start blogging normally again :)


I'm not that kind of person to wishing away the summer,but honestly can we fast forward until my man comes?haha,nae just kidding,I really do love summer.Anyway I thought I'd share my breakfast with you since it been a while posting about food.This morning read afternoon  I ate fried plantanas with peanut butter,egg with kaviar and a smoothie from rawmilk with berries,cup of green tea with ginger.Yumm.Healthy clean fresh food.

I think I lost some weight,sigh,when I really wanted to gain.Looking at myself in the mirror now I see my ribs more than ever. It's funny how we always want the things we can not have.I want to be able to gain weight!!!while so many want to loose weight.Even though I could eat anything without ever putting on much weight I choose to eat healthy to prevent sickness.People usually don't understand the fact that junk food makes you more sick than fat.In my case just more sick,newsflash skinny people can be skinny as hell but still sick!!!I choose to be healthy and by all means if that means skinny too I'll take it. I just have the worst profession to be wanting to gain weight in my case at least. If I don't move or workout I don't eat that much,but my body works the other way.It still have the highest metabolism than anyone I ever meet. So to make it easier for you,I can sit on a chair the whole day and my body is working hard as hell,like having the biggest marathon. This means that I need to eat more to be able to keep up with my body.Which means that I need to workout and exercise to even get cravings for food. Sounds like a dream to many people maybe,for me its hell. I can loose kg just being sick or depressed and when I was a child I was put in and out of hospitals each time I got the flue. Not a dream.So while other people get a bad conscience by sitting in the sofa thinking they gain weight,I feel bad because I loose weight...haha...ok.I think you get the point.This is my problem,I'm loosing weight being in my poker bubble.
Montepulciano, Tuscany
Tuscany,amazing.Need to visit this
This is such a strange period in my life,one moment I'm happy and one moment not. I'm lonely and then again not,because I choose not to surround myself with people. I'm awake each day until early in the morning,always with a big cup of tea by my side. My sheets need a wash,my apartment needs to be cleaned,but I just can't bother. I drink 1 glass of wine each night and indulge in 1 piece of a small chocolate each day. I try to eat 3 meals a day even though I'm barely hungry. There been a fair amount of self pity and a bit of tears. I watched so many crime shows on TV that I always need to check everything twice before going to bed. The guy who stalks me followed me to my house the other day,I'm not really afraid it's just uncomfortable.My window and me are having a fight because I can't seem to close it right,it jumped out of it's lock.Each night I go to sleep thinking about that damn window.I need a man, a man who is strong and can fix it.He is missing me.

lördag 17 augusti 2013


did I mention that he is mine?Even though we drive each other crazy;)

oh my dear readers and all you other lose ends...this is not a very upbeat and hot girl writing.I'm in the middle of all my hippie goals and holistic approach...it is not a pretty sight.After going a week without washing my hair (yes you heard me,a week) I finally had to give it a cleaning.Now back to my hippie ideals and here are no shampoo or conditioner allowed,so I've washed it with vinegar...hehe.yes,actually it is pretty good for your hair and it cleans out all the grease and stuff without messing with your own body oils. What I didn't know was the smell you have to bare with,jesus.thank god I'm alone;)Then we have my second natural approach,no toothpaste just coconut oil.It works great!I even feel fresher without it.The coconut oil is highly natural bacteria killer and anti fungus.It also gives your skin and hair a beautiful glow after using it for a while.to recommend.It was hard adapting not to go to sleep with a fresh taste of minth,but now I take a spoon of oil,gurgle it and my mouth is totally soft,and taste delicious.Still not convinced,read this;
Meditation I did 2 times,so that needs to be better,walks I did 2 times,needs to be better and unfortunately I did not do any exercising or yoga. But I ate totally organic and bought all my food at the market or farm. I been feeling down though due to many things.hopefully I will feel better. I'm waiting it out.

fredag 16 augusti 2013

poker hand of the week.

A simple question,is this push or fold?Don't look at the stats,they are not accurate,don't know why they show wrong:/

the first time

The first time I saw you,I was walking out from a club you where walking in.For a second our eyes meet,in a second the life I knew changed. The desire I felt was so badly I had to turn around and walk back inside. Inside the club I looked for you again,you looked at me,smiled. You where the most beautiful person I ever seen and the attraction between us was undeniable. From that moment there was no one else,just you. I walked straight up to you,like I knew you. Without thinking I started to talk Swedish and told you the worst pickup line ever said.-Hey cookie why are you standing here crumbling. You looked surprised and said in English that you don't speak my languish.I froze,woke up for a moment and embarrassed turned around and walked away. Swore that I never gonna speak those words again. Thank god quietly that you didn't understand a word I did say. I turned around watched from a distance how you approached me.Asked me if I want something to drink and try to have a conversation in the loud music.All I could think of was how your lips where going to taste. After a while,you leaned forward and finally we kissed.It was amazing and since that day I only wanted to kiss those lips,and so I had.

torsdag 15 augusti 2013


the exercising.
going a bit slow,yes

My energy level

Last hours of work

When I go out in my poker cloths and see someone I know

why I stopped going to the gym

when seing my boyfriend enjoying himself without me 

hmm it's another late night and I'm about to watch a swedish crime thriller.It's called wallander,my bf usually think it sucks so now being alone I can watch it without him falling a sleep and snoring destroying the movie;)so half of the time has passed now having a distance relationship...people usually have a picture like this when being in one;

 it's more like this....
När du inte har någon att leka med